Some people hold themselves back from forgiving with a false basic premise. They think that by forgiving they are condoning the behav ior of the person they are mad at.They think that, if they forgive the other person, they are doing that person a favor. They even think that they are letting the other person go free, which they are determined not to do.
The fact is that it takes two to make a prison, the prisoner and the jailer. Both are in the jail. When you let the other person go free, you liberate yourself. You don't have to condone the behavior or like the person who hurt you.You just have to forgive him or her so that you can get on with the rest of your life. Forgiveness is therefore a totally selfish act. It really has nothing to do with the other person at all. It has only to do with your own mental integrity and peace of mind.
The comedian Buddy Hackett once said, "I never hold grudges; while you're holding grudges, they're out dancing!"
When you remain angry with another person, you give away your emotional control to that person each time you think of him or her. You allow him or her to control your emotions at long distance. By not forgiving, you allow that person to run your emotional life, exactly as if he or she were right there with you and the situation was occurring all over again.
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Reality is the beginning precept of personal growth. We mainly grow as humans by discovering new realities about ourselves and our world. You'll surely learn some crucial lessons regardless how you live, but you are able to speed up your growth hugely by consciously looking for truth and intentionally rejecting untruth and denial. This book will provide insight to the reality mindset.