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Conversation Escalation Make Small Talk Sexy

In this ground-breaking program you'll learn the subtleties of conversation to pinpoint the specific problems that are ruining your chances with women. You'll learn how to draw people out to talk about more interesting topics in a more natural way instead dragging it out of them. And the mindset tricks so that you can Always be in the zone with women whenever you're talking to them. What's unique about this course is that its based on examples and application and is filled with hundred of little bite size game changers that you'll be able to see an immediate impact on your conversations tonight. Read more...

Conversation Escalation Make Small Talk Sexy Summary


4.8 stars out of 25 votes

Contents: Audios, Videos, Ebook
Author: Bobby Rio
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Price: $27.00

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My Conversation Escalation Make Small Talk Sexy Review

Highly Recommended

This e-book comes with the great features it has and offers you a totally simple steps explaining everything in detail with a very understandable language for all those who are interested.

Overall my first impression of this book is good. I think it was sincerely written and looks to be very helpful.

Exercise 122 Simultaneous Conversation Awareness

If different words are simultaneously played through a headset to the left and right ears, you tend to hear and report better those words heard by the right ear (left brain). If different, non-speech sounds are played into both ears, the left ear (right brain) tends to acknowledge the sound better. To avoid having a sensory overload when two people are talking to you at once, practice listening to the radio and TV at the same time, or two radios or two TV's. Discern each conversation individually and get the gist of what is being said from both inputs. Translators at the United Nations often listen and translate simultaneously. Traffic control operators who guide airplanes with airport radar become very good at discerning simultaneous conversations coming in through their headsets. It's a matter of life or death for many passengers. Behind a closed door, pick out the different human voices conversing at a party in the next room. You'll probably find it easy to discern the voices of...

Aggressive Dieting May Carry Risks Lous Story

A month later, I got a frantic telephone call from his wife, who informed me that her husband had just suffered a full-blown heart attack. I dropped what I was doing to help her during this emergency. Her husband underwent a balloon angioplasty and was able to gradually get back to work within a few weeks. Low-carb is now a taboo word in conversations in their house, because she feels that the diet precipitated her husband's heart attack. My friend also happens to have a strong family history of heart disease, making it hard to determine exactly what caused his heart attack. Given this uncertainty, I cannot say that the diet was the culprit. However, from a physiologic standpoint, we know that most cells in the body, and nearly all the cells in the brain, use carbohydrates like glucose or other simple sugars like fructose and galactose as their main energy source. For fats and proteins to be used as an energy source, they first have to be converted to glucose by specialized enzymes...

Listen for Optimal Communication

Shakespeare said, Give every man thine ear but few thy voice. When you listen with not only the ear and the mind, but also with the eye and the heart, you gain the understanding necessary to motivate the most appropriate actions. You demonstrate to other people that regardless of their message, they are worthy of your full attention. Did you know that the average person speaks at a speed of approximately 125 words per minute And you probably think at a rate of 400 to 600 words a minute. You have listener's leisure time at your disposal during every conversation. You can learn how to make the best use of it. Here are some suggestions.

Nonverbal Communication

Remember Jack, who wanted to provide his family with the best of everything His wife, Lindy, was organizing a vacation for the family and discussed it with him. With a troubled look on his face, Jack told Lindy he was pleased with her plans. Lindy noticed the discrepancy between Jack's verbal and nonverbal response. Let's tune in on the rest of their conversation. The next car they saw looked great and was in the right price range. The owner talked enthusiastically about how well he had maintained it, and proudly showed Bill and Frank the service manual. The service record couldn't have been better. As the owner discussed the car, he displayed completely open body language. He looked Bill and Frank straight in the eye throughout the conversation. Frank and Bill drove the car around the block, Frank checked it over mechanically, and after a short discussion, Bill told the owner he had a deal.

Work All The Time You Work

Many people think, when they take their first job, that work is also a place where you go to spend time with your friends. This is why fully half of the working day is spent socializing, and in idle conversation on the telephone with friends and family. Work is seen as a giant sandbox where you continue to play as you did in school. You do a little work when the boss is watching, get a paycheck, and then go home.

Cognitive Aspects Of Aging

Several types of attention (concentration) abilities are compromised by age. We have trouble listening to two different things at once. If more than one person is trying to talk to us, we have trouble following either conversation. This may be due in part to a decrease in our hearing acuity. One of the conversationalists needs to wait.

Exercise 46 Listening With Better Attentiveness

The next time you're in a conversation with someone, try talking only about the other person for a change. Don't talk about your own experiences and what you're reminded of, etc., but consciously notice your tendency to say something about yourself or your tendency to rebut what you just heard the other party say. Surrender this tendency to interject your comments, and just share in the other person's joy in telling their story and see how much more fun and smiles they experience when they don't sense competition from you. A person cannot feel heard if you're sharing your great idea about something. Only after the person has felt heard is it time to share your ideas and advice and then you'll find they will listen to you much better too You in turn will acquire a peaceful inner confidence that is derived from letting others have the spotlight and attention for a change. It's a magical feeling Mindfully put your body in the same postural position as the speaker's, modeling their head,...

Obstacles to Optimal Communication

All of us bump into barriers in our communications with others. A large barrier to Optimal communication is lack of awareness of our own limits, feelings, beliefs, and expectations. It is difficult to understand others if we don't understand ourselves. When we deny undesirable traits within ourselves, we are easily upset by these negative qualities in others. If we haven't delineated personal boundaries to protect our emotional domain, we feel unsafe in the world. When our inner sanctum is violated, even if the transgression is unintentional, we muster defense mechanisms such as denial, accusations, withdrawal, and threats to establish a sense of control. We endure irritating small talk, rudeness, and tantrums because we don't know how to set appropriate limits and are afraid of rejection. If we are only interested in what we can get out of a relationship, our communications will reflect our self-serving intention. Whenever we use praise to manipulate people, make them feel guilty, or...

Overhead Projector Usage Tips

Time the usage of transparencies so that you display only those items you are actually addressing. A maximum suggested length of viewing time is about 3-4 minutes. The minimum time for projection is 1 minute to allow notetaking. If you find that the projected topic generates considerable conversation, turn the projector off (remember light attracts attention and so does the buzz of the motor), discuss the issue, then turn the projector on again. This also helps extend bulb life. Have backup training aids (e.g., flip charts, handouts, pictures, job aids, or posters) available in the event your projector stops functioning. This allows you to project an air of professionalism as you continue with you presentation using the alternate aids without excuses, and as if nothing happened.

When Depression Strikes at Memory Joans Story

An ambulance screamed outside our hospital, disrupting our conversation. Such sounds are par for the course in virtually every neighborhood in New York City. Joan lived in a quiet suburb in northern New Jersey, but she showed absolutely no reaction to the sound of the ambulance. She sat slumped in her chair, barely moving.

Exercise 182 Mental Projection

As an exercise, assume a comfortable, relaxed position and do some deep, abdominal breathing. Imagine projecting your mental body out of your physical body so that it is hovering over and looking down on your relaxed body. Look at your clothes, hair, body position, etc. and feel totally comfortable. Now imagine you are zooming up through the ceiling and out of the building. Pause for a few seconds and look back at the areas surrounding the building, then project yourself onward. Speed by familiar parks, houses, stores and watch the traffic passing underneath you. Now proceed over to a friend's house. Go inside and view the different rooms and see if anybody is at home. Listen to the sounds of any animals or conversations. Take note of anything out of the ordinary -- new faces, items or happenings. Then exit the house and return to your own location. Look at your body briefly and then resume your normal occupancy. Write down or draw what you saw then call your friend up to see how...

Exercise 123 A Multiple Hearing Acuity

In a country field, on a city street, or at a beach location, practice for 5 minutes with your eyes closed identifying distant and nearby sounds -- picking each one out, one at a time. Now embrace them together by switching your conscious awareness very rapidly back and forth from one to another until a unified mixing is achieved. Listen to a symphony recording and pick out each instrument being played. Then simply appreciate the entire blend. You can do this just like you can recognize your name spoken in a crowded room or you can embrace all the conversations at once. If this drill is done in a group, you'll find that other people will pick up things that you missed and vice versa. Many people can learn to discern one musician from another just by their individual playing style.

Examples of group mind maps in action

Examples Mind Maps For Children

In long-term projects (like the writing of this book by my brother and me) joint Mind Mapping will have several advantages. The resulting Mind Maps can be used as a way of ordering, recording and stimulating conversation in the many meetings that such a project requires. They also enable you to conduct the process over a long time, and in numerous sessions, with complete maintenance of continuity and momentum.

Suboptimal Communication

All of us have experienced the frustration of ineffective communication. You have, I'm sure, participated in conversations where one party gained at another's expense. You have felt manipulated in some of your communications. You may have manipulated others. You have shared your heart, only to discover that the other person didn't care. Divorces, broken hearts, disappointing careers, and broken dreams can all result from ineffective attempts to relate to others.

The mental laboratory

Example 1 I wake up one day and discover that I've lost my wallet. I check my pockets, my briefcase, but I can't find it. I concentrate, trying to recall where I last used it. I can't be sure. I put myself in the alpha state, visualize myself entering my mental laboratory. I change the date on the calendar and the time on the clock to correspond to when I think I lost my wallet, in this case the previous day. Then I sit down on the couch and relive what I was doing at that time. I had a number of meetings that day. First meeting, I still had the wallet. Second meeting. yes, I still had it. Third meeting. when it was over I gathered up my papers, put my wallet on the table, intending to pick it up later and then. I got into a conversation with someone and left the room with him. That's it That's when I lost it.

Persuasion Techniques

What is persuasion It is the act ofusing argument,reasoning,or appeal to get someone to take a course of action or change his or her point of view. Individuals try to persuade others to do things their way, to think like they think, and even simply to leave them alone. You use persuasion techniques on a daily basis, whether you are aware of it or not. You are also the target of those techniques. Perhaps you decided to ask for a raise. You felt you earned it, and went to your boss with many examples of your work and the positive results you have achieved for your company. In other words, you tried to make her think a certain way (that you are a great employee who deserves a raise) by using evidence and examples to persuade her. But instead of getting a raise, you got to listen to her explain how badly things were going at corporate headquarters. Her job was on the line. Stock prices were down. She knew you would understand, being one of our best and brightest, why she could not...

Identifying Framesof Reference

While the Meta-Model provides overt and explicit understanding of how we create our mental maps using language, Mind-Lines provide a model for conversational reframing. Here we do things covertly Step 1. Notice these Meta-Model distinctions in the conversation as you interact with people. Listen for causation beliefs (C-E) by paying attention to causative words ( because, if, when, in order to, so that and all present tense verbs). Listen for meaning beliefs (CEq) by paying attention to equation words ( equals, is, equates to, is, etc.) and universal quantifiers (all, always, never). As you listen, constantly inquire about specifics (i.e., see, hear, feel behaviors) and what the person thinks, believes, or means about such. Step 3. Playfully frame anew and then reframe again the statement. Once we get the belief to this stage and form, the time has come for us to use the Sleight of Mouth Mind-Line patterns. And with that, the fun (and magic) begins From here, we can play around with...

Characteristics of the Creative Person

Many cases for work which he could not do well. Occasionally such men do produce a stream of ideas outside of their field, but most often the ideas are not very good, because they don't strike at the heart of the problem, and the ideas are seldom worked out far enough to be anything but material for conversation.

Exercise 47 Eye Contact For Inner Communication

There is a strange energy that streams forth from your eyes. You can intuitively perceive it at times when someone with an emotional intention is staring at you. You instinctively look away because of it when you don't want to be noticed, or when you don't want your true thoughts to be known in a conversation. The so-called 'stage fright' of public speakers and would-be actors might have a lot to do with the sudden impact of everyone's eye beams carrying various thoughts that wallop a speaker into a subconscious stupor. This also often happens when you're introduced to someone and their eye beam meets yours, and their name never really gets registered and remembered properly.

Exercise 81 Concentration Eidetic Imagery

Wilder Penfield stimulated certain brain cells with electrodes, long forgotten conversations, songs, jokes and childhood memories were evoked from his patients. If your brain registers everything that pours into your senses, then you should learn how to elicit that information from your brain's storehouse. Certain concentration skills can be learned to help initiate this process.

Exercise 220 Making The Time

As an exercise in utilizing all time morsels of the day to your advantage, carry a little jingle bell in your pocket as a periodic reminder. Every time you hear the little bell tinkle, practice one of the manual exercises. Stop exaggerating in conversations (review Exercise -- Honesty For Better Clarity ). Issue positive statements to yourself and those around you (review Exercise -- Positive Affirming, Positive Living ). Drink in and absorb the simultaneity of your surroundings (review Exercise -- A Multiple Hearing Acuity ). See and don't just look at the diversity of your environment, and consciously remember more (review Exercise -Observational Recall ). Eliminate tension and stress in your life (review Exercise -Relaxation For Improved Awareness ).

Exercise 50 Managing Your Anger

As an exercise to defuse anger in yourself, consciously talk to yourself about your anger when you are feeling it. Direct yourself toward consciously thinking about your anger, and it will help you to calm down while allowing the conversation with yourself to move gradually to a more rational tone. Listen to and observe yourself. The moment you feel you're about to lose control, your rational mind can signal you that you're on the verge of doing or saying something that you'll later wish you hadn't. If something or someone is triggering your anger, begin consciously thinking of all the options you have available to you to deal with the situation instead of getting angry. Shout to yourself, and command Get out of me ANGER

1 Is Your Memory Perfect

There is a growing and informal international organisation, which I choose to name the 'I've Got an Increasingly Bad Memory Club'. How often do you hear people in animated and enthusiastic conversation saying things like, 'You know, my memory's not nearly as good as it used to be when I was younger I'm constantly forgetting things.' To which there is an equally enthusiastic reply 'Yes, I know exactly what you mean the same thing's happening to me . .' And off they dodder, arms draped around each other's shoulders, down the hill to mental oblivion. And such conversations often take place between thirty-year-olds

Familiarization Of Forms

Sometimes you will say to yourself that the form has no comparison with anything that you know. But that is never the case, as the following conversation between Major Beniowski and one of his pupils will show. The pupil was about to commit to memory the Hebrew alphabet

Projection Of The Memory

An instance of this was very cleverly depicted by Charles Dickens in his novel Nicholas Nickleby. The following are the words of Mrs. Nickleby when Stratford-on-Avon, the birthplace of Shakespeare, happened to be the subject of conversation But suppose we have a person of good memory, whose mind has not been allowed to drift, as presumably that of Mrs. Nickleby had done throughout her life, and the conversation turns to the subject of elephants. Then perhaps that mind in an instant will say to itself, without words The elephant is a large, vegetarian, mammalian, quadruped animal, inhabiting Ceylon, India and Africa. And in a moment more that mind will slide its fingers along each word of that definition, and at once a great deal of information will become available on each point.

True for me true for you

For chocolate rather than vanilla ice cream. But when we express our opinion on a matter - the best way of reducing crime rates, say - we are expressing our beliefs about the truth of a matter. It is really a kind of self-deception not to face up to this that when we express our opinion, we are making a claim to truth. So criticising someone's contribution to a conversation by saying, 'that's just a matter of opinion' is another attempt to hinder rational persuasion or debate, and unjustifiably denies that there is any such thing as disagreement.

Different Forms Of Courage

You cannot make a great life for yourself if, right in the middle of your life, if there is something that you wouldn't even get into if you had it to do over again. And you always know when you are dealing with a zero-based thinking situation. It causes you a great deal of stress. It preoccupies you continually. It sometimes keeps you awake at night and dominates your conversation. You always know what it is.

Memory And Job Interviews

In-trays for interviews are created in exactly the same way as I described in the previous chapter keep the journey short and simple (no more than ten stages), and use instant association to create your key images. The only difference is that you might want to place your questions in order of priority. As the conversation progresses, walk along your short journey letting the key images trigger off the questions.

Respond With Optimal Reflection

Anne and John had dated for two months. He was attracted to her, but when she shared her problems with him, he pushed her away. When John consulted with me, he was bewildered by his own behavior and concerned that Anne felt hurt and rejected. After a two-week break, they agreed to meet for lunch at a restaurant near Anne's office. The chemistry between them was strong. Anne asserted herself and John responded with Optimal reflection. Here's a key portion of their conversation. Remember Craig, who squandered two marriages because he couldn't control his temper During one of our consultations, I mistakenly thought he had finished what he was saying and asked him a question. Craig asked me if I would mirror his feelings. Here is a portion of our conversation Do you listen reflectively without judgment to gain complete understanding It is often best to reflect on the meaning of the message being delivered. It may be necessary to recap significant parts of a lengthy conversation to ensure...

2 Positive Thinking Is Often No More Than Wishful Thinking

During the flurry of excitement over the emerging dot-com phenomenon, many investors practiced wishful thinking. These optimistic thinkers convinced themselves that Internet stocks could be evaluated with unrealistic criteria. They assumed that stock prices could be bid up to any level investors were willing to pay, and would stay there. Their illusions were permanently shattered when their stocks lost 50 to 100 percent of their value. Here is a conversation I overheard where positive thinking had become wishful thinking. It isn't always possible to protect against detrimental outcomes. We take calculated risks throughout our lives. Recently I met with two representatives who were interested in producing Optimal Thinking products. During our initial conversation, the first executive said It's going to be a great day today. Did you know that Mercury is no longer in retrograde I wondered how much of his attention was invested in forces and events outside of his control. The other...

Rate Your Level of Thinking

The following questionnaire will help you identify your dominant level of thinking. You may choose to write your answers in the book itself. If you'd rather write your answers on a separate piece of paper, this may be the perfect time to start your Optimal Journal. You might like to view this book and your journal entries as a private conversation between you and me. As you read through Optimal Thinking, you will optimize your thinking and behavior. You can record your Optimal Action Steps, design your best life, and monitor your progress in your Optimal Journal.

Exercise 89 Remembering Names

Normally when people are introduced to other people, there is a rote ritual that they go through like, This is so and so and I am so and so, glad to meet you etc., and seconds later, neither one remembers the other's name. You fumble in the conversation trying to cover up your forgetfulness while you try desperately to recall the name. Some people even announce in advance, I never remember names, almost like a form of bragging or maybe in an attempt to establish a camaraderie with a host of others who share the same non-admirable trait. This also relieves them of the responsibility in their minds of remembering your name, or the name of anyone else they meet. Nevertheless, people like hearing their name, and if you remember it, they're flattered and impressed with you more than if you forget it. If you consciously keep your wits about you when you're being introduced, you'll find recall much easier. For instance, take a few seconds to record and reiterate in your mind the person's...

Exercise 1 Identifying Your Emotional States

By identifying your emotions honestly to your partner, a close friendliness often develops that ordinarily would not be experienced with superficial conversation. If you practice identifying your emotions to yourself and others often, there will be After you get good at consciously identifying your various emotional states, you can practice using those emotions that make you feel good about yourself over those that are self-destructive before beginning a considered action. You can even visualize doing an action first, and study how you feel before you actually do it. Experiencing better emotions can improve your learning potential, your intelligence, your job performance, your interpersonal relationships as well as your physical health. By clarifying and identifying the emotional experiences that really make you feel good inside, you can better determine what you really want or desire as important in your life. The next time you experience a particular exceptional feeling, take the...

Linear history of speech and print

Whole networks of words and ideas are being juggled and interlinked in order to communicate a certain meaning to the listener. You may have noticed people suddenly reacting to words you liked or thought were harmless. They react this way because the associations they have for these words are different from your own. Knowing this will help you to understand more clearly the nature of conversations, disagreements and misunderstandings.

Exercise 79 Ridiculous Associations

Which is better for remembering something, to allow your memory to inadvertently make its own associative patterns, or to consciously create your own memory associations Associative patterns are the unique binding factors in memory. Great writers of fiction have the marvelous ability to have you automatically create internal visualizations when you read their words. To remember facts, speeches, conversations or magazine articles, you can learn to create these internal images for yourself.

Exercise 78 Positivity For A Better Memory

As an exercise before learning a given set of material, eliminate negative statements from your conversation like, I hate (this subject or that), or I always forget (such and such), or I never can remember (those things). You certainly cannot expect to learn something better, if you tell yourself you can't learn it. Replace this negativity with positive programming by affirming to yourself at least 3 times, statements like, I am learning (this material) better today, or My memory is improving in (this area or that), or I always remember (these things). By doing this one thing alone, your recall will be improved by a significant percent and the positive belief system in yourself will be more firmly established.

Exercise 218 Dealing With A Liar

To spot a liar, body language is the key -- red spots on the cheeks, fidgeting posture, clenching of fists, vocal stress or quivering voice, nervous laughter, a tapping foot, an exaggerated effort to appear casual, etc. all can depict dishonesty. Also, adding too much to a story or taking charge of a conversation to distract or divert you can be telltale signs of lying. Mostly though, the eyes are the windows to the mind, the character, the habits and the soul of a person. Beware of excessive shifting or downcast eyes or eyes that you intuit to be untrustworthy, cruel, crafty, sarcastic, revengeful or hateful when you fully look into them. If you've learned to see auras, you'll notice a greenish-yellow streak shoot through a person's aura when he tells a lie (review Exercise -- Aura Seeing ). The need to be right and not take the responsibility to be wrong is so strong in some people that they will even invent whole conversations that never took place just to say, I told you so. Liars...

Training Strategies for Improved Effectiveness

When an interpreter is used, address comments and questions directly to the participant, not the interpreter. Remember that the interpreter is the tool through which the participant communicates. In addition, do not have side conversations with the interpreter in the presence of the participant. Ethically, he or she is bound to share messages received with the participant. Consider having someone take notes for the participant or give him or her a copy of your leader guide so that he or she can focus on discussion and conversation instead of having to look down.

Extrinsic Rewards from Training

Participants who prefer tangible rewards or incentives for their efforts are said to be extrinsically motivated. These learners often thrive in environments in which competition and effort lead to receipt of rewards. They enjoy receiving money, prizes, gift certificates, ribbons, buttons, and other physical forms of recognition that have value for their performance. Such people often have shelves or walls in their offices or workspaces where they proudly display certificates, diplomas, trophies, or other performance recognition memorabilia. They also have small toys, buttons, and other mementos received in training programs, on their desks, computer monitors, bookcases, or hanging from the walls. You may know the type. They are the ones who have their nametags from all the conferences they have attended each year displayed on their cubicle walls. These nametags are a great conversation starter when others visit their office and serve to remind the person what he or she has...

Redefining the Acceptable Range

Let me explain by recounting a conversation that happened on the way to the airport with a client. This discussion, following a brainstorming session, served as an epiphany for me in finally crystallizing the concept of acceptable range and how it limits creativity. My company was brought in to help a work group in a large corporation reduce the time-to-market cycle from 120 to 90 days to remain competitive in a particular business category. I'll change the names and the business category to protect the confidentiality of the company involved.

Exercise 185 Astral Projection Adventures

Perhaps you can visit a close friend or relative. If so, visualize the person in considerable detail. Visualize where he or she lives and precisely how to get there. Since astral travel is new to you, project yourself along the same route that you would normally take to get to their house. By doing this, you'll find that almost instantly you'll be there. Once there, you may even have a conversation with your friend, but since you are not conversing with his physical self, he probably will not remember it later. If he remembers anything, it may only seem like a wispy dream from his subconscious. If his level of awareness is higher, he might remember everything.

Building Your Network

Over the course of the next six months to a year, make a list in a notebook of the 100 most important people in your community. As you gather these names from the newspapers, from conversations, from news broadcasts, and from your work as you move around, begin to think of how you could get to meet and know these people. Remember, the more people you know and who know and think about you in a positive way, the more successful you will be in every area of your life.

Relaxation and Meditation

Meditation is also an Optimal form of relaxation. In Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsch said You will gain in-sight when you look within. . . . If you do not go within, you go without. In 1977, I began the daily practice of transcendental meditation and subsequently learned advanced techniques known as the sidhis. I have experienced feelings of bliss in meditation, which empower me to optimize my everyday life.

Establish the Atmosphere

Another technique for fostering a feeling of unity related to the topic and your participants is to adopt a theme for your session and decorate the room accordingly. For example, if you were facilitating a session related to increasing sales on the telephone you could put telephones around the room at various locations, have colorful posters of flip charts made with dollar signs, and provide small incentives in the shape of telephones (e.g., pencil erasers, squeeze toys, or refrigerator magnets that sound like little phones). You could also start the session with a humorous role play demonstration in which a sales representative and customer have a humorous conversation leading to a huge sale. Following this, you could have teams develop a team identity as outlined previously with a focus on something related to telephone sales.

Memory System For Names And Faces

Carrying the principles of repetition and involvement further, make sure that during conversations with people you newly meet you repeat the name wherever possible. This repetition helps to implant the name more firmly in your memory, and is also socially more rewarding, for it involves the other person more intimately in the conversation. It is far more satisfying to hear you say 'yes, as Mr. Jones has just said ' than to hear you say 'yes, as this chap over here as just said '

The Playground Equipment for This Exploration

We begin with the meaning formula well planted in our minds. You do have it well planted in your mind, do you not If so, then we can easily stay focused on translating any and every conversation and problem expressed or heard into the EB IS formula. (We can even create meaning using the structure of IS IS.) As mentioned previously, this formula plays a crucial role in the conversational reframing patterns. So, first, we formulate talk (statements, beliefs, values, problems, etc.) into the X Y structure. With that done, let the reframing begin

Barbara Pease

Pensamiento Irradiante

He is the author and co-author of the best-selling books BODY LANGUAGE How to Read Others' Thoughts By Their Gestures. TALK LANGUAGE How to Use Conversation for Profit and Pleasure, and WRITE LANGUAGE How to Write Letters that Really Work. He is the creator and host of a series of top-rating television specials and addresses over 100 conventions and seminars around the globe each year.

Move with a Purpose

Each time you change locations in the room, you should do so for a reason. Continuous walking from one point to another can appear as nervousness, whereas planned movement can actually aid facilitation. Experienced trainers have known for years that you can control your audience and the quality and amount of discussion by moving closer or farther from participants throughout a session. For example, if you want to emphasize a point or engage a specific individual in your group, you might casually move forward toward the person as you continue to talk. Or, if you have two participants who have lost focus and are having a side conversation, you can often stop the discussion without having to say a word. Simply by closing the distance, making eye contact with the learners involved, and continuing to speak, you nonverbally say, I'm talking to you, or This is important, pay attention.

Making Memories

All of these impressions saturate your five senses, which trans-fer as much information as they can to the brain via what is called the sensory store. These fleeting sensations remain for only a few milliseconds before the majority of the sensations are lost and only a small subset is passed on to short-term, or working, memory (STM). The information is lost within 15 to 30 seconds if not selected for closer consideration. If you were not paying attention to a conversation, you could reconstruct a recent comment if asked within this 15 to 30 second window. However, after this brief interval of time, you must begin to organize and rehearse the information you want to store in long-term memory (LTM). The process of learning new information does not stop when we go to sleep. Recent research indicates that sleep is essential to the formation and efficient storage of memories. As we sleep, the brain appears to replay the activities of the day, reactivating old and activating new brain cell...

Extending your range

Working with a specialist learning and communications company, Purple Works, we created some learning mats, based on ideas contained in The NewAlchemists.The mats were designed, in full color, to provide visual stimulus to conversations over breakfast, focusing on areas such as the influence of school, family, trauma, failure, and the context of a very rapidly changing world.They were placed on the tables as highly unusual tablecloths. From many of the chief executives who attended, you could sense an immediate What's all this then sort of reaction. Learning mats were not in their current learning comfort zones. But, inspired by Charles Handy, all of those present rapidly overcame any initial apprehensions and discovered just how useful such a tool could be in structuring conversation without the need for intrusive facilitation.

The value of ideas

My best ideas often come out of a conversation. Someone triggers something off. Or it's from watching. I remember observing the Royal Ballet on tour in China. While I was watching their principals go through their daily class with all the junior dancers watching, I suddenly saw how this could be translated into the organizations I knew.


Mnemonic - Analytic - Creative - Conversational. Conversational When you take Mind Map notes from a lecture or book, your notes should record all the relevant information from that source. Ideally, they should also include the spontaneous thoughts that arise in your mind while listening to the lecture or reading the book. In other words your Mind Map should reflect the conversation between your intellect and that of the speaker or author. Special colour or symbol codes can be used to distinguish your own contribution to the exchange of ideas.

Mental Wavelengths

No doubt you have experienced different levels of thinking in your work situation. At AnyBiz, the employees are on different mental wavelengths. Let's listen in on a conversation between two line managers at AnyBiz who are selecting a candidate for promotion. If you were top management, which candidate would you choose

Memory Disorders

One morning in June 2002, a young man named Steven arrived at my office for an evaluation, having been referred by his primary care physician. Steven was pleasant and amiable, and he easily made conversation. Although he had difficulty providing detail about his history, he was able to tell me that he had been having memory problems since being injured in a motor vehicle accident six months earlier. He spoke somewhat vaguely about his current circumstances where he was living, family members in the area, and so on. Although he could recall very little about the specifics of his work, he was able to provide a step-by-step depiction of the process for handcrafting a leather vest, which had been his profession until the time of the injury.

General Energizers

After you have been in a session for 90 minutes or so, you should give learners a quick break for refreshments, restroom use, and so forth. On their return to the room, try this activity to stimulate them. It is also good for regrouping people and breaking up small gatherings of friends and co-workers who inevitably sit together in a session. By regrouping people you can encourage networking and communication while also reducing the amount of side conversations that occur when participants who know one another well sit together. For this and other activities, keep in mind what you read in an earlier chapter regarding allowing people with disabilities to remain in chosen seats that best accommodate their disabilities.

Program Your Mind

This relaxes you and drops your mind into the alpha state. In this state, your subconscious mind becomes highly receptive to any incoming command. Second, you visualize the ideal outcome of the upcoming situation. You imagine it as turning out perfectly for you in every respect. For example, if you are making a sales call, visualize the client responding to you in a positive, receptive way. Especially, visualize the client signing the check or sales order at the end of the conversation.

The Mental Intray

A mental in-tray has many other uses. I find it invaluable when I am attending a meeting, or conducting an important phone conversation. If there are certain key points which I want to convey, I translate them into images and put them along my in-tray journey. Nothing is more frustrating than the sudden realization, usually on the bus home, that you have forgotten to say your most important point at a crucial meeting.

Manage Stress

There's no magical stress buster that works for everyone. You need to find activities and coping strategies that are effective for you. For some people, the answer is yoga or a nature walk for others, it might be listening to music or having a heart-to-heart conversation with a close friend. Exercise is a proven method of relieving stress. Aerobic exercise, such as running, brisk walking, bicycling, and swimming, is an excellent way of burning off stress and negative emotions. Resistance training (weight lifting) is an underappreciated form of exercise with excellent stress-relief effects. ,165


Further, this meditation or voluntary reflection will prepare the way for intuition. It need not be frequent and should not be strenuous. When others snatch up a novel or a newspaper or seek a conversation with some one else to fill an odd quarter of an hour, you may quietly reflect.

The Role Of Memory

I have trained my memory, concentration and observation to the point where I can keep pace with the fastest of dealers, hold a conversation with the inspector and make spontaneous calculations at the same time. I once overheard a croupier in Dieppe observe to a passing inspector Tl est trop machine'. This was an apt description, as I was working robotically.

Example text

These three reasons can be summed up as follows. Each newly produced essay, article, presentation, or whatever, is always based substantially in existing published or presented material and becomes a part of the 'ongoing, knowledgeable conversation' expressed through that material. Written work needs good referencing so as to refer its readers elsewhere, to repay the debt to other writers, and to reinforce its own arguments.

Room Allocation

I always find it fascinating to imagine the conversations that would ensue at this sort of party. What, for example, do you suppose Clint Eastwood is saying to Adolf Hitler ('Go ahead punk, make my day ') Barry Norman is filming Gerard Depardieu's sword. Sherlock Holmes is fascinated by Neil Armstrong's spacesuit, examining it with a magnifying glass. Delia Smith is showing me how to cook. And Nigel Short is teaching Sean Connery a thing or two about chess, although Connery has a gun trained on him under the table.


A learner who is a talker can be one of two types. Conversationalist The first is one who continually holds side conversations in a low voice with those sitting nearby. When asked if he or she would share his or her comment with the rest of the group, the response is usually, No or That's okay. To handle such participants I use one or more of the following tactics. A simple strategy that also ties to brain-based learning concepts is to move a person who is talking to another location or group. This is helpful for dividing small cliques of friends or co-workers who often sit together out of choice or a feeling of obligation to do so. People who know one another are often more likely to have side conversations, often about non-session-related topics. To accomplish such movement, use one of the random techniques discussed in other parts of this book so that it is not obvious that you are doing so primarily to relocate a talker. This can prevent the perception that you are singling one...

Acoustics and Sound

Participants also contribute to noise levels by using cell phones and beepers and by having side conversations or speaking in loud voices during small group activities. This type of noise can actually cue you that learners have completed a small group task because when participants finish discussing an assigned topic, they will typically begin networking, laughing, and in other ways causing the noise level to escalate. At any rate, all distracting noise should be controlled or eliminated to the best of your ability to enhance the learning experience. If you play musical selections during individual and group activities, make sure that the volume level is loud enough to be heard, but low enough that it does not distract or interrupt concentration or conversation. For background music, you are probably better off using nature sounds or instrumental selections instead of vocals. Also, select instrumental music that does not have words (e.g., jazz, new age or classical) so that...

Spontaneous Conversation

Spontaneous Conversation

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